“Courage, dear heart.”
The scene is darkness. C.S. Lewis describes the intense blackness at one point in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader as “looking into the mouth of a railway tunnel–a tunnel either so long or so twisty that you cannot see the light at the far end.” The passengers aboard the ship are at the point of despair that they’ll never get out when a beam of light casts over the ship. Lucy, the youngest, soon hears a voice which she knows to be Aslan’s. “Courage, dear heart.” He says. While no one but her hears the voice, she’s immediately comforted.
Then, the blackness lifts: “the darkness turned into a grayness ahead, and then, almost before they dared to begin hoping, they had shot out into the sunlight and were in the warm, blue world again.” How’s that for a beautiful description?
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Are you in the muddled middle of darkness, with no apparent light in sight?
A year ago today, I shared the waiting, the yellow light. I suppose we are always waiting on something – in line, on line, for a job, a spouse, a decision, a train. The tea to boil, the roast in the oven, a diagnosis. Another year later, we continue wait for the desire of our hearts: a sibling for our boy or at least a change in the tide. Most weeks are good and the ache lives in a drawer (with the stored “just in case” pint-sized clothes) and comes out from time to time (a wonderful metaphor, thanks to my aunt), and the sweet arrow in our quiver and our faith keep us dancing.
Some days, the darkness — of confusion and whys — encircles BUT hope curls up like a dog in front of a warm fire, nudging, waiting for a pet or a belly rub. God may not chart the course the way we anticipate and may eventually lovingly turn the light red but there is always, always hope and joy amidst the struggles and the admitted pity party of one (two if you invite the Lord but I’m usually mightily embarrassed to ask Him). I’m preaching this very much to myself but also encourage you, my friends:
Courage, dear hearts. The warm blue hues are coming.
“Be strong, and let your heart take courage, wait for the Lord” -Psalm 27
Read the rest of our story through pregnancy loss: Quiet Hand: A Journey Through Pregnancy Loss
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